Michigan stadium wants you to have a heart attack, fatty. (Drunk Canuck)
Nerdist has a desktop image for ya. (Nerdist)
Cantina Band from Star Wars song, played on a friggin' harp! (GeekStir)
Celine Dion has officially lost her French-Canadian marbles. (Funk Jelly)
Steve-O is a total pussy. (TV Munchies)
We gotta admit... that's a pretty neat giraffe. Granted, we've seen sexier, confused giraffes but we've also got the official Geek Social Aptitude Test (no bonus points for giraffes).
Geeks should be on the ball when it comes to health issues. So you probably already know that this is "National Root Canal Awareness Week?" There's really a week for that.
In celebration, here's Tim Conway, doing one of the best "bad dentist" sketches ever!
Friendster, Facebook and Myspace are three bachelor roommates living in an apartment in Santa Monica, CA. (Current)
Winnebago guy speaks out!! (YouTube)
Domestic violence told via sock puppets. (Big Stupid Idiot)
A nice date movie gets a reacharound. (Whip It Out)
A cavalcade of Christopher Walkens!! (Trailer Trasher)
CNN reports iPhone and Google are creating functionality allowing users to rescind text or email messages even after the "send" button is pushed. Pretty cool. Now if only they had that function for the questionable hookups we participated in, back in college.
We know you have many questions. Let us address them...
Q: Was this a real show?
A: Not only real, it ran for TWO seasons.
Q: Is that little shithead Joey Lawrence's kid brother?
A: Yes it is. And he is adorable.
Q: Why did they spell "Syber" with an "S?"
A: Because the produsers were ctupid.
Q: Does "Let's kick some giga-butt!" mean they will kick 1,000 butts?
A: We believe so.
And finally,
Q: Isn't this just a thinly-veiled, low-budget ripoff of Voltron and Power Rangers?
A: No comment.
Watch full episodes HERE.
Finally, smoking up and gaming in the palm of your hand. (Level One Boss)
You're shampooing your nasty-ass hair too much. Seriously. (NPR)
Create, listen and share mix tapes with the world. (Mixtape.me)
Your printer sucks donkey dick. In fact, ALL printers do. (Laugh Track)
Guy with huge tongue licks a lot. (Break)
Gross! We were wasting the afternoon on Twitter, and came across some Tweets we really wish we could un-see. Why can't people keep this shit to themselves??
The recent news from Michigan totally sucks. A kid was killed by tasering. And now Amnesty International is highlighting the dangers of tasering (It sucks because tasering was such a cool, geeky, non-lethal, Star-Trek-esque way to immobilize people. But now it's deadly. Boo!
To remind us of the non-lethal hilarity that once was tasering, here's one of those kickass taser montages. Consider yourself "tazed!"
You gotta hand it to the New York Post -- their front page is the best source in journalism for cheesy puns and poorly photoshopped jokes. We've assembled some of the corniest headlines from this esteemed newspaper, and present them to you now, in all their glory...
15.
14.
(Yep. They actually ran a pun on the 19th Century Boer Wars of South Africa.)
13.
11.
10.
(This one works on two levels!)
9.
8.
(Bad pun and bad photoshop. Brilliant.)
7.
6.
(It's awesome how changing just one letter can make a headline so much funnier. And lamer.)
5.
4.
(The Mask reference, description of smoldering rubble all over Iraq, and a simple photo caption... all in one.)
3.
2.
1.
(Bonus points for the douchey photo of A-Rod.)
Chris Brown getting heckled, and deserving it. (Laugh Track)
Back up your computer, right now! RIGHT NOW!!!! (Lifehacker)
Awesome icon sets from 2008. (Noupe)
Jean-Luc Picard on Sesame Street. Acting! (Nerdist)
Father Guido Sarducci on Art School. (I Let My Fists Do The Talking)
From the "Wish we'd thought of that" files come two of the best commercial parodies out at the moment. Good stuff!
Finnish man creates "finger drive." No -- REALLY. (BBC) [Hat tip: Erica]
Some guy named Neil resigns in cake form. (Cakewrecks)
Just add water, and wrestling ensues. (Jock & Balls)
A whole site devoted to anime voice actors! (Anime in LA)
Find free sound effects... yes, fart noises too. (Some Audio Guy)
"Shit" on Wheel of Fortune. Is that a vowel? (Nerdist)
According to Freedom Haters...
"Having an AOL email account has now become hipster retro cool!!! Using AOL is like wearing a trucker hat, big black 70’s sunglasses, or listening to the Go-Go’s. It’s sooooo bad it’s become good!"
If AOL is retro-cool, then is our CompuServe account even cooler?
Hey, kids! Wanna transform your LED light into a dangerous weapon? You can! It's as easy as 1, 2, 3, 4... 7, 8, 9... Okay there are a lot of steps. But this short video shows you how. It's exciting! It's fun! It's dangerous! And it's our "Laser of the Week."
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We've always been fans of pre-Governor Arnold Sshwarchtzzeneagaerr... or however you spell it. But now that he's stopped making movies, we're left with stale old classics. Luckily, some very clever amateur filmmakers out there have taken his best flicks and sweded them, turning them into brand new thrill-rides. The Best 7 are below...
7. PREDATOR:
It's USB drive... and a robot! (Aware Geek)
This is the reason you are a giant fat-ass. (BoingBoing)
There's a 60% chance of fuck-ups in these weatherman vids. (Hollywood Fail)
New Jersey just says "no" to Brazillian waxing. Get ready for more muff! (Consumerist)
Mike Tyson will now chomp the ear off the Oscar for Best Documentary. (Jock & Balls)
First, this guy is a masterful musician. Seriously cool skillz. He's a hard rockin', arpeggio makin', axe shredding geek. And that's cool. But there's one odd thing...
The technique where he unnecessarily crosses over his hands to play the guitars. It's kinda like the way porn actresses open their naughty bits, once they've run out of other interesting and innovative ways to position themselves. Take a look. Right? It's weird.
Are you as sick of the internet molly-coddling all the losers who refuse to keep up with the latest trends as we are? Joe from Hugs for Monsters imagines a world of more blunt approaches to those to afraid or lazy to upgrade to the present.
Following up on last week's list of Hottest Lara Crofts, there are quite a few Crofts that didn't make the grade... to put it politely. Take a gander at some truly revolting Tomb Raiders, then try to shake them out of your memory... 
Lanky, flat-chested, with squirt guns... ladies and gentlemen, it's Bizarro Croft.
She almost had it... but then we noticed her drink is in a beer cozy. NOT cool.
Is that a shower curtain?
Princess Leah meets Tomb Raider... meets some weird Egyptian statue.
NEXT!
We can barely tell them apart.
Does it suprise you that this guy has a life-size cutout of a video game character less than 1 inch from his bed?
Woops! Did Lara sprain her ankle?
Jimmy Kimmel never looked better.
This is Lara Croft if she were paralyzed with agoraphobia and had self-esteem issues.
Why? WHY!?
Is nothing sacred to this monster??
The photo that ruined the internet for us.
---
EDIT: Thanks for all the comments, y'all. For all you Diggers, if you're new to the Geek Pad, stick around and check out some of our other posts. Or pay a visit to some of our friends at Whip it Out and the Laugh Track.
Things you won't see Ironman do anymore. (Bully Says)
Good Magazine shows how much water you're wasting, you wasteful pig. (Good)
Horrifyingly funny hybrid animal chimeras. (Right Here, Geeks!)
Crazy Bruce must've been plenty drunk when he recorded this ad. (Big Stupid Idiot)
The shit's hittin' the fan at Chuck E. Cheese's. (Perez)
We love "My New Haircut," and the spinoffs are interesting. This geeky version knocked our socks off. This guy is great. He deserves an oscar... an emmy... okay, a webby. "Best lead geek in a youtube video."
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We like dance music okay. Seriously. It's got its merits. And we appreciate the techno-geeky skillz required to be an expert DJ. (We DJ'd for a time in a former life.) But we find the phenomenon of DJ Tiesto a little bizarre. A DJ who wants to pack arenas? It just seems so very, well, Euro. Enjoy the voice over introduction. It's Tiesto's way of trying to impress everyone.
SuperNews has a great new clip about how stupid Twitter is. Only problem is we can't figure out how to embed the clip. So just click on the above pic to see it.
"Don't you Twitter-stand?!"
We're really enjoying the guys over at The Comedy Nerds Podcast. They're a couple of NYC based comedians who love to talk about whats happening in comedy and breaking it down for the people. We've been jamming it on our iPod for a while now and think its time you did, too!
We love looking at stock photo albums. Who sets up these senarios? The writers at Late Night with Jimmy Fallon have been hard at work making good fun of them! Maybe they should be spending more time on the monologue? OUCH! Iceburrrrrn!
We aren't ashamed to admit that we dig Jason Mraz. And we love his song, Geek In The Pink. Hmm, we wonder why. Well, for those of you who are fellow Mraz diggers, like ourselves, here's a vid with the song lyrics.
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Please, no! Your Mom in a Bikini Contest. (Whip It Out)
"The Room" rap is crap-tastic. (Funk Jelly)
The Geek Pad guys ponder how they spoon in China. (YouTube)
Hold the pickles... deadly spider found at a Deli counter. (CNN)
The perfect chocolate chip cookie recipe... if you're a food snob. (Foodsnob In LA)
This video has been around for years. But we have to admit, we return to it every so often just to be inspired... by two things. 1) The fact that this guy can make his body do totally cool things. 2) By the hope that this probable geek just impressed everyone in the audience who had simply known him as some guy in the halls of school. We're hoping he got to second base with some hottie that night. Where is he now? We shall seek him out!
Have you heard of yacht rock? You should have! It's the genre of late 70's/early 80's music that gave birth to such great acts as Kenny Loggins, The Doobie Brothers, and Toto. What can we say? We love smooth harmonies, okay? But what's even cooler is this comedy video series about the genre. Whip out your Hall and Oates album covers and dig through the liner notes for clues into this incredibly funny web series.
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We're glad someone finally found a worthy reason for signing up for twitter. Sure its great to hear about what restaurant, funeral or drug bust you're at. But lets not pretend its as interesting as what our favorite porn stars are up to. What? You think you're more important? God, you're self-centered. It's really unbecoming. Come on lets see what Roxy Deville is up to...
Thanks Co-ed Magazine for doing the, ahem, "leg work" on this one. Third leg work! Am I Rite?!!111
11. Ape Walrus
This little guy needs a sitcom. Pronto.
10. Rhino Fish
We found Nemo. He's a rhino.
9. Squirrel Bat Ram
We're speechless.
8. Elephant Dolphin
Elephants never forget and dolphins are the smartest non-human animal. That makes it a very deadly combination, not to mention the fact that it's hideous.
7. Cat Shark
Feel free to make a LOLcat out of this.
6. Parrot Frog
Rendering itself less effective since it can't fly but only hop.
5. Cat Fish
We've heard of catfish before but this is ridiculous.
4. Cat Dog
We've heard of CatDog before but this is adorable.
3. Dog Walrus
Wise, sad, and extremely huggable.
2. Crocoduck
The greatest threat to the theory of evolution. According to child-star and creationist moron Kirk Cameron, in order to prove evolution, one must find a crocoduck. Never mind the fact that a half-crocodile half-duck roaming the wild would completely disprove everything scientists know about evolution.
1. Shark Bird
These are much more of a threat than bird flu. They fly and they feast on humans. Also, very elegant and beautiful.
BONUS: Narwheagle
Just for Reddit.
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